So You Live With a Man Now

Marriage, it always comes with trials. For my wife, I believe one of these trials has been coming to terms with sharing a home with a male again. My dear wife lived with her father away during most of high school, went to college, and stayed in college until now, with one year off. Translation: Ashley has spent only one of the last seven years with a man in the house on a regular basis, now she has to share a bedroom and bathroom with one.



God bless her, I never make anything easy, and this is not the exception.



I am the sterotypical man at home and Ashley has had to adjust to the disgust that comes with that. Here are some things she is learning.



1. Not wearing pants is more comfortable than wearing pants. That is why I usually take them off whenever I come home.



2. Pants are not dishes or garbage and therefore do not count as clutter, that means that when removed, it is okay to leave them on the floor in the living room until they need to be put back on or washed.



3. When taking a shower, clothes can be removed and left anywhere in the apartment on the way to the bathroom because I am not putting them back on afterwards. A trail of clothing from the TV to the shower is acceptable.



4. I did not close the toilet lid when I lived alone, I am not going to suddenly start doing it instictively because you live with me now. It is conveniant to leave up for two reasons.

A. If I have to pee, I can do so without any work adjusting the toilet, it is already open and ready for me. You have to sit down, and since you want the seat down and the lid closed, you will have to put work into adjusting your seating arrangement either way. I only have to adjust when sitting, making the seat up method more efficient as it saves one of us time and work, wheras the seat down method requires us both to put work into it every time.

B. We don't ever need to fill the dog's water bowl. She can't tell the difference, it's okay.



5. The TV is the focal pont of the living room. I don't care what your decorative impulses tell you,if I am sitting on the couch, then there is a 75% chance that the TV is my point of interest, I'd go lay on the bed if I wasn't interested in the TV, it's more comfortable. Therefore, the living room should be arranged so that the couch is angled towards the TV.



6. Video games are something worth getting angry over. If they weren't, why would anyone make them challenging.



7. Bags of chips do need chip clips, you just need to eat the whole bag in about five days.

8. If I am interested in a conversation I am having and need to go to the bathroom, I will do so with the door open, and small bodily function shouldn't halt the whole thing.

9. Cereal does not need to be put away when you are done with it, it is in the same condition on the counter as it is in the cabinet.

10. Just because you made dinner, does not mean I have to do the dishes, I usually will, but if I don't once a week it is easily forgivable.

11. Action figures and Legos are decorative items and can be placed anywhere in the apartment to better the look of the place.

12. There should always be cold Coke in the refrigerator.

13. And finally, it is okay to leave the light on after you leave a room, it costs like a penny an hour to light a room, I think we can handle it.

I am sure more discoveries are sure to come, and single ladies be warned of what lies ahead.