Retirement.......?

It almost seems silly to speculate at this point, but it appears as if a certain quarterback whose leg I prayed for to break every Sunday may finally hang up his decreped old cleats. At 11:29 AM MST, NFL.com reported that Old Yeller is considering finally putting himself down after being told he will have to have ankle surgery to be cleared to play next year.


I know that "technically" he hadn't "made up his mind yet" but who are we kidding? The season has been over for three months now. He knows, and the only reason he hasn't come out and announced he'll be playing next year is because he wants to skip most of training camp again.


I would like to adress No. 4 sincerely. Dear ancient one, I am concerned about your health. I believe that from 1994-2004, you were perhaps the greatest quarterback in the NFL, maybe better than anyone has ever been during that ten year stretch. Sir, it is over now, since 2005 (with the exception of last year's miracle) you have been just as ineffective as you were in 1991 in Atlanta, the horse is dead man, get off of it. I know you think that it is best to lead an entire franchise on for months about whether or not you would retire, (every offseason since 2005) because after all, the team is not 45 players so much as it is 44 supporting characters and an old dude trying to prove that is still the greatest, more than five years past his prime. I, however, have reason to believe that it is time to accept that you are cursed to end your career on a sour note. Whether it be an interception in overtime (2007-2008 NFC Championship game), an interception while in game-winning field goal range (2009-2010 NFC Championship game), or just plain out being a worthless sack of shit throwing the ball all the time because you know better than to let your team run the ball first (Everything after Thanksgiving, 2008), after all they have YOU at quarterback. It just think it's destiny, not because you are a selfish, primadonna prick who has it coming, but because God has it out for you........ because he cares about your career so much....... because everyone does.


Let's face facts Mississippi man, you may not even be able to survive this surgery at your age. Do you realize that you are the third oldest player in the NFL, with the only players older being placekickers? An ankle surgery at your age could be fatal. Dont risk it.


I don't want you to think that I'm just saying all this because I hate you. I promise this has nothing to do with the joy I got out of watching you hurt your ankle in the NFC championship game.

Haha

And I promise to stop masturbating to this image of you on the ground crying after ruining your whole team's season.

Honestly, I don't even enjoy doing it, it feels too gay, but it is necessary.

Please for once in your life, just listen to the doctors, fans, family, and all the other people in the world who aren't you and realize that your time has come. Step up to that podium one last time and announce that you just can't go on with anymore. Give us some of those trademark teary eyes so that everyone on ESPN can talk about how sincere it was and about the passion you had for the game that led to such an emotional moment. After all we only see those moments ever time you win a game, throw a touchdown pass, loss an important game, or get into a fight with your coach over who really should be directing the game. You play with such a childlike joy and love for the game. Don't worry, I promise the commentators will still talk about you, because until opening day comes and you aren't in uniform, no one will believe it anyways. You still have a solid four months to be the center of attention.

So do it.

Retire.

GET OUT OF MY ESPN NEWS FEED DAMMIT!!!!

You will not be missed.

Oh Yes, It's Nerd Time.

Comic nerds, fasten your seat belts, and get ready for a blog for you. Everyone else, umm... shaking you head in shame seems like a decent option. Today I will pull off my beautiful Dan Marino jersey and show what may seem like a bizzare choice for a football fans undershirt, revealing a wonderful VS. System Silver Surfer t-shirt that I won at a TCG tournament. Yes, the sports nerd has skeletons in his closet, but the name should have implied that to you.

My geekness has been lacking for good social interaction since Spring of 2008, when my beloved book club passed away. Before anyone stops to ask the question, I'll just answer it. When I say book club, I do not mean one of those clubs where books come in the mail monthly, or where a group of people read a popular book and discuss what it meant to them. No, book club is a social interaction/game brainchild of myself and a close friend whose name will remain anonymous in case he is too embarassed to have this information given to the world at large (if he is a real man, he'll just own up to it in the comments). Over time it included two other regualars, and a few guest appearances. So what exactly is it you say. I'll explain it, but I have to warn you, most people just don't get it unless they're part of it.

Every week myself and somewhere between 1-3 friends would pile into my car and cruise to Spokane to clear out our subscription box at The Comic Book Shop. Everyone had their favorite titles, (Ultimate Spider-Man and Captain America among the most popular) my friends would pick up anywhere from 5-40 books a month. I usually picked up around 65. Now let me provide some insight for those of you that believe yourselves above muddying your feet on the dingy carpet of a comic book retailer: comic nerds, just like normal people, enjoy some form of human interaction. Just like you might discuss the weather, sports, politics, Lindsey Lohan drama, or whatever else you condescending bastards care about, we talk about our comics. Book club was a shortcut into that interaction. Every week when we returned from our Spokane excursion, we would head down the stairs of my house and go to my room to sort our books. Sort how? One can only book club with some obtaining the same book as they have, so everyone would sort their books according to who else possessed that given issue. For example, myself, Friend #1, and Friend #3 bought Daredevil, so Daredevil goes into a pile for Taylor, Friend #1, and Friend #3. Myself and Friend #1 are the only two who purchased Moon Knight (the other two knew better), so Moon Knight goes into a pile for myself and Friend #1. Various piles were created as needed for all combinations of friend ownership of these books as needed. The books that were in a pile could be read only when everyone who had representation in that pile were around. For example, if I was hanging out with Friend #1, we could read Moon Knight but not Daredevil because Friend #3 had to be there for Daredevil. Get it? This was convenient because comics only take a few minutes to read, so we could read together, discuss immediately afterwards instead of trying to find a moment to bring it up later after reading it by ourselves. It also reduced the amount of sitting around bored time because it made reading feel like a community event. Bad-ass I know. Wait, it gets bad-assier.

Book club also functioned as a game and had a point system. Every stack was a contest between the individuals represented by that stack. Okay stop laughing. When it was determined that a book club session would take place, one person would be chosen to pick the first book to be read. The person choosing the book would be determined by being the first to proclaim "my pick" or by being the last person to proclaim "not my pick." Everyone involved in this book club session would pick up the appropriate stack of books and await the choice of the chooser. Once the chooser had picked their book, they would hold it up with the back to the rest of the group so that no one could see what it was, the other session partakers would then pick up the book that they thought the picker had choosen. Everyone would then make a noise that sounds kind of like "whooooooooossshhh" and flip the books around to reveal their picks/guesses to the world. Everyone who correctly guessed the choosen book would receive a point, if no one guessed right then the picker got a point, then the right to pick would pass. Every flip of the books would naturally be followed by a boastful "OOOHHHH!" by whoever got points. Whoever had the most points when the pile was gone won. Of course, it was rare that a pile would be gone before the next Spokane run and no one every really kept track of the points. It was fun none the less.

That was a very long side note. The point is, that over the course of the last two years Friends #1, #2, and #3 have decided they are above reading comics and I, now purchsing mine on a limited college student, have resorted to downloading most of my comics and placing them into a folder on my computer named "solo club," the joke given to comics purchased by only one group member. A comic nerd without fellow fanboys to assist in dissing on the latest One More Day, praise the latest Civil War, or state dissapointment in the latest Word War Hulk, is like a fish without water. My wife was supposed to fill the void but it is becoming very apparent that she will not be reading anything other than Deadpool anytime soon, so for now, I chat comics here and hope that fellow nerds will create comment conversations. With that said......

Seige rules

Fantastic Four is boring

Hulk grows more confusing by the issue

Son of Hulk is complete shit

Ultimate Comics: Spider-Man continues to lose my interest, thanks to terrible art.

Feel free to chat comics on the comment board, I need sustanence.

Enough chatter. List Time

Note: For this list all the questionable sports mentioned in my first blog (golf, poker, billiards) will be accepted as real sports. The athletes are not real, so no real harm. Also. for future (or past) blogs, if you can't see the picture clearly, just click on it. A better pixelated version of the picture lays on the other end of the link.

The Top 10 Marvel Characters That Would Make Great Athletes

Before we start on the list, some ground rules must be laid down.

#1 Characters can't be chosen if their power is simply excelling at quality that is the cornerstone of a sport. For example Quicksilver can be used for trakc and field, because his power is to run fast. Not fair, not clever, not fun. Other eliminations are Namor in competative swimming and anyone with a healing factor in UFC.

#2 Super strength will not be considered for determining an advantage in sports, otherwise, we would just have Hulk, Thanos, Thing, Thor etc. from one to ten in the world's strongest man competition. Like 90% of heroes have it anyway, so it doesn't really set anyone apart.

#3 Magic does not count. If we count it, Dr. Strange can just call a spell to be the best at anything. Lame. Not allowed.

#4 Kaz-ar is not allowed on any of my lists because he is the lamest comic book character ever created. Dazzler and the Agents of Atlas are also being considered for banishment unless someone can tell me why they aren't the lamest things in comics.

Rules explained, list begins.................

Honorable mention: Mephisto (poker). Mephisto has been called the Marvel version of Satan, other times, just referred to as a demon. Regardless of how you wish to percieve him, he is always known as the "prince of lies." Dude comes with the worlds greatest poker face.

Honorable mention: Thor & Storm (football). Not as players, but as a coach or something. They can control the weather as needed, imagine if everytime your team went on offense, the opponent could make it snow. Pretty big advantage. I almost included baseball as well, but then I remembered that baseball players are pansies and the game gets paused if any moisture reaches Derek Jeter's sensitive skin.

Honorable Mention: Wolverine (beer pong). No, it's not a sport, but there are real leagues and Wolverine would be more or less unbeatable. His healing factor makes getting drunk almost impossible and even if he didn't, I feel like he is probably a world class drinker anyways, seeing as how he has been binge drinking for centuries.

10. Captain America: Football

Cap is a natural choice for an NFL starting quarterback, although he has no actual powers, for a variety of reasons. First, the super soldier serum does keep in the peak of human condition at all times. He therefore, should be as fast as any regular human being on the planet, and the guy survived frozen in a block of ice for like 40 years so playing at Lambeau Field should be no problem. I don't think you have to worry too much about injury concerns either. Secondly, throughout all of comicdom, I challenge you to find me a better leader. Leadership is perhaps the most important trait for an NFL quarterback and Cap would make Peyton Manning look like John Kerry. Third, Captain America's shield weighs like forty pounds and he throws that thing with incredible accuracy so you know he can make the throws. Let's not forget that he has been fighting in wars since the 1920's and hasn't aged a day. Voldemort's consecutive starts record doesn't stand a chance.

9. Bullseye: Baseball, golf, dodgeball, pool, bowling

If aiming is the primary skill, Bullseye is unbeatable. Bullseye's powers? He never misses. That's it. If he were to play baseball, it would be an automatic win everytime he played and it was actually noted in a story once that he had a promising career before deciding he'd rather kill people instead. Trick shot pool would not even be fair, nor dodgeball, I might be overestimating his abilities when it comes to golf but I think it's logical that he can hit things wherever he wants with a club too. I excluded him from basketball and football simply because personal fouls are almost guranteed to get him kicked out of every game before he can make a difference. Simply put, if he's aiming, you're losing.

8. Taskmaster: Everything

Taskmaster is a decently obscure character, so for those of you don't like to spend $3 for 28 pages, Wikipedia explains here. Basically, he can do anything he sees someone else do. If he sees some guy throw a 107 MPH fastball, he can now throw a 107 MPH fastball, if he sees Adrian Peterson hurdle the entire line into the endzone, he can now hurdle the line into the endzone, and if he watches Kobe Bryant make a shot from half-court, he can now make that half-court shot whenever he wants. Really, he can take the coolest things eveyone in every sport does, and do them. For this reason, he has to be higher than Captain America and Bullseye on the list, because whatever they can do, he can do (Cap's leadership excluded). However, he cannot mimmick powers he does not have with his ability, which is why he is only at 8. The rest of list has powers, so he can't be assumed to best them.

7. Mystique: Any women's sport

Mystique is an incredibly athletic woman who possesses great martial arts skills, can run quickly, jump high, and aim with perfection. None of these reasons are why she is on this list. Ask yourself, in order to be a successful female athlete, what is the one thing you have to be? The answer: hot. Disagree with me? Name five female tennis players. It's okay, I'll wait............

....................................................................................................

You named Anna Kournikova didn't you. You know you did. Here's what I know, Anna Kournikova had her highest singles ranking in tennis at number 16 and hasn't played professional tennis since 2003. If you look at the awards recieved on her Wikipedia page, you will see three, one of which is an ESPY for hottest athelete in 2002. If you can name five female athletes that have not appeared in Maxim or the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue, I'll be surprised. Why do you think the WNBA fails? Because every player in the league looks like a 6'7" version of Chyna. Hell, we only know who Venus and Serena Williams are because they terrify us. Mystique would be ultimate female athlete because she can change her appearance to be as hot as she wants to be. She can be Anna Kournikova and Lindsey Vonn. She might even be able to make you watch a WNBA game...... if you could find one on television (you can't).

6. Spider-Man: Dodgeball, paintball

Spider-Man cannot be touched by anything if he so chooses not too. His Spider-sense alerts him of any immediate threat before it arrives and he has incredible reflexes that allow him move quickly enough to dodge anything he is warned about. His spider-sense helps him dodge gunfire, and I don't think that even Bullseye throws dodgeballs faster than gunfire. This one really doesn't require a whole lot of explaination. Everyone knows what Spider-Man does.

5. Mr. X: Anything played head-to-head

Mr. X is the most obscure character on this list. Actually, I had never heard of him until he showed up in Thunderbolts last year. Wikipedia will once again serve as the describor of this character, right here. In a nutshell, he can telepathically sense any movement an opposing combatant makes before they make. He does not have to actively do this, it just happens. Mr. X is also physically gifted as an athlete. With his powers he could defend any basketball player, read any pitch before it leaves the pitchers hand, and see any punch another boxer throws before his hand even moves. He would have a natural advandtage in any sport played in teams, and any involving direct physical confrontation. Also unlike most other telepaths (Professor X, Jean Grey, and Emma Frost), he is athletic and does not have to rely solely on his powers.

4. Blob: Football

For anyone unfamiliar with the Blob's powers, it is pretty simple, he can make himself immovable. He is also a major fat ass and can probably fill the spot of three people on the offensive or defensive line. Blob can secure himself and protect the quarterback for an indefinite amount of time, which since he can block for three people, should be very long. With only three or less people on the offensive line, the offense is free to run five or more wide recievers on every play. His presence is even better on defense. His massive size makes it virtually impossible to run the ball because he takes up the entire middle of the field, and no one on offense can push him out of the way. He is very slow but since he weighs over 1,000 pounds, no one will stop him if he decides to rush the passer and the quarterback will have to snap from the shotgun every play to even have a prayer. Every year players are selected for their size and strength in the draft and none of them weigh half of what blob does or have super powers. However, their are longevity issues, no way this guy lives past 40.

3. Black Cat/Longshot/Domino: Any bad team

These heroes all have the same types of powers, they effect luck. Longshot and Domino both can change probabilities, and Black Cat just causes terrible luck. The Cleveland Indians are losing 12-0, but wait, yes they have called Longshot in from the bullpen. Their odds of winning just went up to 60%. In baseball, Black Cat would be a great choice for a catcher, always sitting a foot away from the only opponent that can do anything, and never near her teamates. Her bad luck would screw over every batter that comes to the plate, her team wouldn't even need a good pitcher. Vegas would absolutely hate these guys.

2. Galactus: Competative Eating

This one should be pretty easy to understand. Galactus survives by eating planets, therfore, outeating people who live on those planets should be relatively easy. Yes, galactus eats pretty slowly (he uses machines to drain the energy from these planets before consuming them, a process that takes hours) but I don't think he would need the machine if he didn't need the energy. If you gave him a thirty pound bucket of hot dogs, he could just throw it into his 50 foot mouth and swallow without bothering to chew. Also since he eats planets, I don't think he'll have to worry about filling up. Only Goliath could even give him a run for his money.

1. Juggernaut: Football

The Juggernaut would be an unstoppable football player, no literally, he can't be stopped. The Juggernaut's powers are that once he starts moving forward, nothing on earth can stop him. I think he could make a pretty effective running back. The only variable on every play is whether or not he will fumble the ball before it gets into his hands (it happens to Tony Romo all the time). Once his has the ball though, it's a touchdown, your offensive line could be made up of Larry King, Conan O'Brien, a hot dog, a dinosaur skeleton, and some little bitch from the Twilight movies, it won't matter, he doesn't need them. At a cool 900 ponds and at over 8 feet tall, he has a bit of a size advantage on defense as well, including being a 100% unstoppable pass rusher. The more I think about it, I'd love to see him in a Dolphins jersey....

Thanks to my wonderful wife for her expert use of photoshop.

Now Brandon Marshall is really happy to be a Dolphin.

As always comments are graciously accepted. I post again this weekend in all likelihood, I feel an Earth Week rant coming. See you then, until that time please remember the wise words of Mr. Marshall.

Nerd out.

NFL Draft 2010

I went into this weekend stoked for the NFL draft because it was the only exciting thing I'll see again in football until August. I was a little disappointed that ESPN.com did not let you watch the live airing of the draft, instead sticking you with ESPN radio, which got to be a little maddening at times. I don't have cable, so radio was my only option, I would have been okay with this were it not for the fact that ESPN radio has commercials after virtually every pick. These commercials are worse than commercials on TV because 1. they are the same commercials every break and not in the "I'm sick of this commercial, they've been airing it forever" kind of way, they literally play five commercials every break, and four of them are the same. 2. These commercials are almost exclusively for other shows on ESPN radio. I heard Big Ben's lawyer explain that all he is guilty of is bad judgment at least forty times on Thusday and Friday and I'm getting sick of hearing about the Brandon Marshall trade already thanks to these commercials.

Just kidding, I still think it's awesome. That being said, the commercial was incredibly redundant. Did you know Colin Cowherd thinks that this trade makes the AFC East the best division in football and that the Bengals are historically "run poorly?" If the answer is no, then you didn't listen to the draft. Irritating commercials aside, the chaos that was the first round was incredibly fun, with many raids and surprises along the way.

What's that I hear? You want a report card and my opinions on each teams draft? Okay, I guess I'll have to oblige. We'll start with the most imortant team and work our way through the rest of the league.

Oh, and no A+'s, not because no one deserves one, but because it's a stupid fictional grade that no student can acheive on an actual grade card.

C- The Dolphins really pissed me off with this one. I understand trading down because Dan Williams, the player they most wanted, would be avaliable well after pick 12 but I think swapping all the way down to 28 was going a little far. It turns out I was right as the Cardinals took him right ahead of us and instead of taking one of the many great safeties we could desperately use, we just went with a mediocre defensive tackle in Jared Oderick. I could live with this but the second round pick was inexcusable, with Sergio Kindle (who many thought Miami might take at 12) still on the board along with Taylor Mays, we went with some guy I've never heard of out of Utah. I've never heard of anyone else they took. I initially would have rated an F for this draft but after reading some reviews for bigger experts than I, it sounds like some of these nobodies are pretty decent. That being said they passed on a lot of useful talent and I am not pleased with the Parcells regime.

A The Patriots played this draft brilliantly, which is unfortunate as always. After making a bit of a strange pick in the first round in Rutgers CB Devin McCourtny, the Patriots made moves to grab some great values in the second round. Nabbing the years second best tight end in Rob Gronkowski, as well as Florida standout Brandon Spikes. In round four they picked up the third best tight end in the draft in Aaron Hernandez and by the time it was over they drafted more players than they can possibly make room for on the roster. Well played Bill, well played, I thought the Marshall trade made Miami better than New England but it was short lived as I believe the Pats are better again after this draft.


D The Jets went and proved to the world what their strong suit is this weekend: free agency. The Jets, notorious for lousy drafts and building their team through agressive trades and free agency, showed that no matter how good the talent avaliable, the Jets can always find someone else. Kyle Wilson was a great pick-up talentwise, especially at their late spot, but cornerback is a position that they had absolutely no need for. Offensive lineman Vladimir Ducasse is a solid talent, but the Jets don't want too much of that, so with a rookie in place, they plan to cut six time pro bowler Alan Faneca to make room for him, a move that will cost the team over $5 million. How do Jets fans live with this franchise? Thanks for making sure I never cheer Kyle Wilson again, dicks.

F This draft sucked for Buffalo, plain and simple. C.J. Spiller is an outstanding talent and will be a great NFL player, but again, how much credit can you give a team for drafting a great player they don't need. The Bills have two 1,000 yard backs on the roster already in Fred Jackson and Marshawn Lynch. The Bills entered this draft with needs at virtually every position on offense except RB, specifically QB and OL. Despite the needs the Bills took two defenseive players, a wide reciever, and Spiller first, grabbing a OL and a QB in the fifth and seventh rounds. This team needs porbably three new linemen to compete in the east, and took just one subpar player in a draft full of talented guards. The fall doesn't look to be getting any shorter for Canada's favorite football team.
A The Ravens, who entered this draft with only a few picks, played the weekend trade game to perfection. The Patriots traded up to take their tight end right in front of them, so Baltimore then traded their pick to Denver for three picks. They did not pick until round two and ended up with two first round talents in Sergio Kindle and Terrence Cody, who should step into the starting lineup for an aging degense immediately. They also added a fantastic tight end in the third round in Oregon's Ed Dickson. Paired along with the Boldin trade last month, the Ravens have to be favorite in the North after this offseason.

B- The Steelers played it very safe in this draft. No panicking, no trading. In the first round they watched the OL they were said to be eyeing go ahead of them and then passed on many defensive needs to pick a talented center in Maurkice Pouncey. They got a bargain with Thaddeus Gibson in round four, and again with RB Jonathan Dwyer in round six. However, they waited to draft a defensive secondary until round five (their biggest need), and didn't take a DE until the final round. Also no QB's and they are supposedly looking to trade Big Ben. Great talent, a few bargains, but they ignored their needs a little.

A- The Bengals did something very uncharacteristic for their franchise: they drafted well. Jermaine Gresham in the first round was a great pick up at a need position. Jordan Shipley in round three was a steal and between those two picks and the signing of Antonio Bryant, last years WR woes should be a distant memory in 2010. They also great value across the defensive line in Carlos Dunlap and Geno Atkins. However, the biggest plus in this draft is that they did not take anybody with character issues, a constant struggle in this franchise. I guess they figured the people they have can fill their season's arrest quota without any new help.

C This years draft will do nothing to keep the shit from raining down. The Browns took good, albeit suspect, talent in each of the first two rounds, and with arguably the league's worst offense last season they focused on the defensive secondary with their first two picks. Joe Haden is a good talent, but was overdrafted at pick seven, and T.J. Ward in the second is a very risky pick. They made a few good moves in the later rounds, specifically drafting Colt McCoy in the third round, but I think many have to be disappointed with Holmgren's first year manning the Cleveland draft...... if Browns fans even stop to notice new failures any more.

B The Titans did a lot without making any big moves. They found a great deal at a need position in the drafts best DE in Derrick Morgan and FINNNNALLLLLYYYYY adressed the WR need that has plagued Vince Young and Kerry Collins over the past three years by taking Damian Williams in round three (another steal). The rest of the draft was solid if unspectacular.

D+ The Texans did not make any outright terrible picks in this years draft, but with nine picks and a selection in every round, they could have done much better. They passed on Kyle Wilson, great talent at their biggest need position, to take CB Kareem Jackson. Jackson is a great player but is a notch below Wilson and the pick showed their inability to trade down as he was second round talent. The rest of the draft is just kind of there. Their second round selection of Aubrun RB Ben Tate was also suspect with Gerhart still on the board. A boring draft like this will not catch the Colts.

B- Classy tatoo guy, I'm sure Johnny U. would love it. The Colts didn't do a whole lot, but as the reigning AFC champions, they didn't need to. A B- is a pretty good grade considering how late all their picks came. They had a steal late in the first round with Jerry Hughes at 31 and picked up an underrated LB in Iowa's Patrick Angerer in the second round. Pretty bland after that but they grabbed what they could.

F Oh boy, where do I even start on this abortion of a draft. Matt Millen is laughing at their picks. They did nothing right, from drafting a mid-second round talent at 10 to taking only one offensive player. The Jags had no second round picks, so with the selection of Alualu, they waited 64 picks before taking.... another DT? The Jaguars have major concerns at OL, QB, and WR on offense but opted to use their only pick of an offensive player on a RB, because apparently Jones-Drew is their weakness? DE has been chatted as the worst position for this team. They didn't take one.

B- The Chargers, much like the Colts, had a solid but unspectacular draft. Also like the Colts, they are loaded with talent already and didn't need a great draft. A move up for Ryan Matthews in round one assured they would get the RB they wanted and stood still at their later picks to fill in some holes on defense. Ryan Matthews was a reach at 13, but they had to have him, so it works.

A- Yes, I did just give that grade to this team. I think ancient Al must have let someone else steer the draft bus this year because you could have sworn this draft was run by professional that understand that skill is not limited to just speed. McClain was great pick for them at 8 and Lamaar Hunt in round 2 was as well. They picked up a few OL's and a WR to adress needs on offense and did not reach on any of the picks, which is the best possible sign for a Raiders fan. My only gripe is that they didn't pick up a QB. We all know Russell isn't going to work but this complaint was neautralized on Sunday with a trade for Washington backup Jason Campbell, a solid fill-in until next years draft.

B Don't freak out on me Tebow haters but this really wasn't the worst move in the world. Did they trade too much to get him? Absolutely. Does drafting him make sense? Absolutely. Denver has two QB's competing for the starting job right now: Brady Quinn and Kyle Orton. Tell me which one of those players you see starting for them three years from now. Neither? That's what I thought. Tebow may or may not work out as an NFL quarterback but the last decade has shown us that the best QB's in the NFL are workhorses. The lazy players, no matter how talented and ready at the position they are when they enter the league, do not last without work ethic; JaMarcus Russell, Ryan Leaf, Joey Harrington, Akili Smith, and Tarvaris Jackson to name a few. Tebow will work very hard to become useful, and that could very well happen at QB. His throwing motion has improved dramatically just since the end of the college season and don't forget who mentored coach Josh McDaniels, a certain Patriots coach who everyone seemed to love the idea of seeing draft Tebow. Aditionally, McDaniels has said that using Tebow in the wildcat is likely to happen at some point; say what you want about him throwing the ball, but you know that will work. Miami proved last year that you can succeed with this offense in the NFL and no one is more qualified to run it than Timmy. On a side note, the rest of the draft was pretty good too, grabbing a much needed WR and some defensive secondary players.

D+ Another rough year for Chiefs fans, as this team continues to draft to be the Detroit Lions of the coming decade. Don't get me wrong, Eric Berry is a great player, and will be a pro bowler at some point for this team, but they had much bigger needs than Safety. I think the corpse of Reggie White could still bullrush through this line for a few sacks a game and they left the drafts best offensive tackle on the board in round one. They waited until round three to pick one up and didn't adress the issue again. They never took a much needed nose tackle and waited until the last round to adress the big need for a LB. They also had only six picks, not good coming off a 4-12 season. The more I think about it, you can go ahead and take the plus off of their grade.

C- I'm not so nuts on the Dez Bryant pick as some people, based on the picture to the left there, Dallas has consistantly proved to be a bad fit for troubled players. Dez Bryant is a troubled player, who has a lot of talent, but will also now have the spotlight on him all year long. Miles Austin stepped up big last year at WR and I really don't think they needed Dez anyway. The rest of the draft was pretty forgetable and they never took a replacement for OL Flozell Adams who is not expected to be there by this fall.

B- The Eagles took a lot of good, but not great, defensive players in this draft. The players are not bad picks at all, although I think they reached a bit for Brandon Graham, but it was how they picked them that I don't like. Nate Allen, decent player, but they traded Donovan McNabb for that pick. There is no way he'll be that good. With thirteen picks, though, it's hard to say they didn't do anything right; some of them will undoubtedly contribute. A lot of depth here, but no picks that really make you stop and say "nice pick."

C The Giants did not do much to address their needs on an aging defense. They used there first round pick on DE Jason Pierre-Paul, an athletic freak that critics agree has played too little football to not be a big risk. They found some good picks late, but no one that stood out as great. The secondary that was so bad late last season recieved little help, and so did the aging OL. I think they drafted the good players, but they drafted them all at the wrong time and didn't get much value for their picks.

D More of the same from Snyder's organization, ignoring their needs for a young RB and some help on the DL for more WR's and OL's. They needed help on the OL as well so that was a first rounder well spent but Russell Okung was the best linemen in the draft and passing on him for Trent Williams was a mistake. Also, how many mid-round recievers does this team have to bring in before they just stop wasting picks? Just live with Santana Moss until you're ready to take a major talent. This entire divison's draft sucked.

B- The norsemen failed to take a QB of any significance in this draft, which is why I am grading them so low. Whether the dark lord returns next season or not, they can not count on him long term and they never would have to recruit him if they had in faith in his backups. They passed on Jimmy Clausen twice and Colt McCoy three times, hell even Tony Pike was there until round six. They went with UAB QB Joe Webb instead. Ummm, enjoy the practice squad. The pick of Toby Gerhart was also a head scratcher: I know they lost Chester Taylor this season, but do they really need to prioritize Adrian Peterson's backup so high?

B+ The kittycats actually did pretty good for themselves this year, impressive considering how few picks they ended up with. Suh was a no-brainer at number two, and moving up for Jahvid Best late in round one also filled a big need for them as Kevin Smith appears to be out for the forseeable future. Iowa CB Speivey is an outstanding talent and great value in the third round. Miami OT Jason Fox is a great pickup in the fourth as well. All the picks were good and adressed both sides of the ball. The small number of picks is the only thing that keeps the grade from being an A.

A- Sometimes you don't have to do a lot for a great draft. Green Bay just got lucky in having Bryan Bulaga fall into their laps at #23. Bulaga, who has top ten talent, should help a o-line that has stunk worse than Woodstock over the last two years. They kept it simple in Green Bay fashion and picked up one more guard and a lot of defensie help. The Packers don't make big moves, but they got lucky enough to get great value anyways.

D- The Bears didn't necessarily do anything terribly wrong in this draft, but they didn't pick until the third round because of everything they gave up with the Cutler trade last year. Their first pick was great with Florida CB Major Wright, the rest pretty forgettable. One thing that really puzzled me though was the draft of Central Michigan QB Dan LeFevour. You traded most of your draft for a QB, and with one of your five picks you take a QB? That was just plain stupid.

A The Panthers received an unexpected gift from the catholic church on Friday afternoon, a surprise tumble to the mid-second round for Notre Dame QB Jimmy Clausen. Carolina needed a QB badly and without a first round pick it looked like that QB would be incumbent Matt Moore. The Panthers got lucky and Clausen should step up to compete for the starting job right away. OL Eric Norwood, DE Greg Hardy and WR Brandon LaFell were also great value picks. I also loved the late pick of Cincinatti QB Tony Pike. Clausen is an arrogant prick, we all know that, and drafting another talented rookie with a late pick is a great way to ensure he works hard and earning his spot. The Panthers drafted as well as any other team in the draft this year, and they didn't start until the second round.

B- I'm really not going to waste much time here, because when you're the defending Super Bowl champions, no one gives a shit about your draft. They got some good picks, but when you pick last, there isn't a lot to get excited about.

A You know, the bad teams really did pretty good for themselves this year. Gerald McCoy at number 3 was easy and his presence will be felt on the Bucs' line immediately. DT Prian Price should also start immediately and between the two that run defense could jump from 32nd to early 20's in one year. The Bucs took exactly what their biggest needs were all draft long and got great players in their secondary, on the defensive line, and WR Arellius Benn should be the number one WR right away. By next season, they may actually earn the pirate logo back in my column, but until then enjoy the vintage sailor of the open sea.

D+ Honestly I've only heard of one person they took in this whole draft, and he was not a very exciting player in my mind. I won't try to justify my ranking, if you think it was good, you might be right. I'm going to assume they are nobodies.

A The 49ers played this draft absolutely brilliantly. They decided they needed players on the OL and they went and got them, trading up twice to grab two great linemen in round one. Then they got a bargain in USC Safety Taylor Mays. They spent the rest of the draft filling gaps at their skill positions on offense, grabbing WR's, a TE, and a backup for Frank Gore. The defense was already pretty good and Mays should improve it. The offense built itself like they were ready for a playoff run, and they should be heavy favorites in the NFC West this season.

B The Cardinals grabbed a big steal at 26 in Dan Williams, one of the best DT's in the draft this year. Linebacker Daryll Washington out of TCU is a great fit for them as well and should play immediately, filling in for Karlos Dansby (ALSO A DOLPHIN!!!) who left in free agency. The one big complaint is no OL's in a draft that had plenty of talent to spare on the line. The Cardinals lost a lot this year, and while this draft helps, fans should expect a drop off from their division champion status. This draft though brought in a lot of potential on defense.

B- I actually was not too big on the Rams draft this year, but I do not blame them for it. They drafted what they needed in each round, unfortunately, almost every round they watched the best players at those positions get drafted just ahead of them. QB Sam Bradford is a big risk and one I am not completely sold on. Number 1 overall QBs have a pretty high fail rate in the NFL and Bradford will be tested immediately with no real talent to compete against him for the starting job and an o-line that does appear ready to protect him. Decent talent, but they could have done better.

A The Seahawks had probably the best draft of the year. I realize that a lot of people wanted a QB, but they would not have won any games without Hasselbeck so they made a wise choice in building the rest of roster first and waiting another year for a youngster to take the snaps. Russell Okung, the best offensive lineman in the draft, fell to them at 5, and then the second best safety fell to them at 14 in Earl Thomas. In the second round they grabbed a steal in Notre Dame WR Golden Tate, then took some badly needed defensive players most of the rest of the way. The trade for Lendale White was great as well as the Hawks desperately need some new talent in the backfield and we all know that Pete Caroll can motivate White. If the Seahawks are lucky, their new talent will take a year to get good and they finish 1-15, then they can grab Jake Locker next year and will be set for a long time to come.

So thats it for today, nerds I promised you something good next time, so here is the big reveal: Top 10 Marvel Superheroes that would make great professional athletes. Nerdy enough for you? See you this weekend, until then remember.......

Hot chicks like guys who love Dolphins.......

And we still have this guy.

Suck it Denver.