Oh Yes, It's Nerd Time.

Comic nerds, fasten your seat belts, and get ready for a blog for you. Everyone else, umm... shaking you head in shame seems like a decent option. Today I will pull off my beautiful Dan Marino jersey and show what may seem like a bizzare choice for a football fans undershirt, revealing a wonderful VS. System Silver Surfer t-shirt that I won at a TCG tournament. Yes, the sports nerd has skeletons in his closet, but the name should have implied that to you.

My geekness has been lacking for good social interaction since Spring of 2008, when my beloved book club passed away. Before anyone stops to ask the question, I'll just answer it. When I say book club, I do not mean one of those clubs where books come in the mail monthly, or where a group of people read a popular book and discuss what it meant to them. No, book club is a social interaction/game brainchild of myself and a close friend whose name will remain anonymous in case he is too embarassed to have this information given to the world at large (if he is a real man, he'll just own up to it in the comments). Over time it included two other regualars, and a few guest appearances. So what exactly is it you say. I'll explain it, but I have to warn you, most people just don't get it unless they're part of it.

Every week myself and somewhere between 1-3 friends would pile into my car and cruise to Spokane to clear out our subscription box at The Comic Book Shop. Everyone had their favorite titles, (Ultimate Spider-Man and Captain America among the most popular) my friends would pick up anywhere from 5-40 books a month. I usually picked up around 65. Now let me provide some insight for those of you that believe yourselves above muddying your feet on the dingy carpet of a comic book retailer: comic nerds, just like normal people, enjoy some form of human interaction. Just like you might discuss the weather, sports, politics, Lindsey Lohan drama, or whatever else you condescending bastards care about, we talk about our comics. Book club was a shortcut into that interaction. Every week when we returned from our Spokane excursion, we would head down the stairs of my house and go to my room to sort our books. Sort how? One can only book club with some obtaining the same book as they have, so everyone would sort their books according to who else possessed that given issue. For example, myself, Friend #1, and Friend #3 bought Daredevil, so Daredevil goes into a pile for Taylor, Friend #1, and Friend #3. Myself and Friend #1 are the only two who purchased Moon Knight (the other two knew better), so Moon Knight goes into a pile for myself and Friend #1. Various piles were created as needed for all combinations of friend ownership of these books as needed. The books that were in a pile could be read only when everyone who had representation in that pile were around. For example, if I was hanging out with Friend #1, we could read Moon Knight but not Daredevil because Friend #3 had to be there for Daredevil. Get it? This was convenient because comics only take a few minutes to read, so we could read together, discuss immediately afterwards instead of trying to find a moment to bring it up later after reading it by ourselves. It also reduced the amount of sitting around bored time because it made reading feel like a community event. Bad-ass I know. Wait, it gets bad-assier.

Book club also functioned as a game and had a point system. Every stack was a contest between the individuals represented by that stack. Okay stop laughing. When it was determined that a book club session would take place, one person would be chosen to pick the first book to be read. The person choosing the book would be determined by being the first to proclaim "my pick" or by being the last person to proclaim "not my pick." Everyone involved in this book club session would pick up the appropriate stack of books and await the choice of the chooser. Once the chooser had picked their book, they would hold it up with the back to the rest of the group so that no one could see what it was, the other session partakers would then pick up the book that they thought the picker had choosen. Everyone would then make a noise that sounds kind of like "whooooooooossshhh" and flip the books around to reveal their picks/guesses to the world. Everyone who correctly guessed the choosen book would receive a point, if no one guessed right then the picker got a point, then the right to pick would pass. Every flip of the books would naturally be followed by a boastful "OOOHHHH!" by whoever got points. Whoever had the most points when the pile was gone won. Of course, it was rare that a pile would be gone before the next Spokane run and no one every really kept track of the points. It was fun none the less.

That was a very long side note. The point is, that over the course of the last two years Friends #1, #2, and #3 have decided they are above reading comics and I, now purchsing mine on a limited college student, have resorted to downloading most of my comics and placing them into a folder on my computer named "solo club," the joke given to comics purchased by only one group member. A comic nerd without fellow fanboys to assist in dissing on the latest One More Day, praise the latest Civil War, or state dissapointment in the latest Word War Hulk, is like a fish without water. My wife was supposed to fill the void but it is becoming very apparent that she will not be reading anything other than Deadpool anytime soon, so for now, I chat comics here and hope that fellow nerds will create comment conversations. With that said......

Seige rules

Fantastic Four is boring

Hulk grows more confusing by the issue

Son of Hulk is complete shit

Ultimate Comics: Spider-Man continues to lose my interest, thanks to terrible art.

Feel free to chat comics on the comment board, I need sustanence.

Enough chatter. List Time

Note: For this list all the questionable sports mentioned in my first blog (golf, poker, billiards) will be accepted as real sports. The athletes are not real, so no real harm. Also. for future (or past) blogs, if you can't see the picture clearly, just click on it. A better pixelated version of the picture lays on the other end of the link.

The Top 10 Marvel Characters That Would Make Great Athletes

Before we start on the list, some ground rules must be laid down.

#1 Characters can't be chosen if their power is simply excelling at quality that is the cornerstone of a sport. For example Quicksilver can be used for trakc and field, because his power is to run fast. Not fair, not clever, not fun. Other eliminations are Namor in competative swimming and anyone with a healing factor in UFC.

#2 Super strength will not be considered for determining an advantage in sports, otherwise, we would just have Hulk, Thanos, Thing, Thor etc. from one to ten in the world's strongest man competition. Like 90% of heroes have it anyway, so it doesn't really set anyone apart.

#3 Magic does not count. If we count it, Dr. Strange can just call a spell to be the best at anything. Lame. Not allowed.

#4 Kaz-ar is not allowed on any of my lists because he is the lamest comic book character ever created. Dazzler and the Agents of Atlas are also being considered for banishment unless someone can tell me why they aren't the lamest things in comics.

Rules explained, list begins.................

Honorable mention: Mephisto (poker). Mephisto has been called the Marvel version of Satan, other times, just referred to as a demon. Regardless of how you wish to percieve him, he is always known as the "prince of lies." Dude comes with the worlds greatest poker face.

Honorable mention: Thor & Storm (football). Not as players, but as a coach or something. They can control the weather as needed, imagine if everytime your team went on offense, the opponent could make it snow. Pretty big advantage. I almost included baseball as well, but then I remembered that baseball players are pansies and the game gets paused if any moisture reaches Derek Jeter's sensitive skin.

Honorable Mention: Wolverine (beer pong). No, it's not a sport, but there are real leagues and Wolverine would be more or less unbeatable. His healing factor makes getting drunk almost impossible and even if he didn't, I feel like he is probably a world class drinker anyways, seeing as how he has been binge drinking for centuries.

10. Captain America: Football

Cap is a natural choice for an NFL starting quarterback, although he has no actual powers, for a variety of reasons. First, the super soldier serum does keep in the peak of human condition at all times. He therefore, should be as fast as any regular human being on the planet, and the guy survived frozen in a block of ice for like 40 years so playing at Lambeau Field should be no problem. I don't think you have to worry too much about injury concerns either. Secondly, throughout all of comicdom, I challenge you to find me a better leader. Leadership is perhaps the most important trait for an NFL quarterback and Cap would make Peyton Manning look like John Kerry. Third, Captain America's shield weighs like forty pounds and he throws that thing with incredible accuracy so you know he can make the throws. Let's not forget that he has been fighting in wars since the 1920's and hasn't aged a day. Voldemort's consecutive starts record doesn't stand a chance.

9. Bullseye: Baseball, golf, dodgeball, pool, bowling

If aiming is the primary skill, Bullseye is unbeatable. Bullseye's powers? He never misses. That's it. If he were to play baseball, it would be an automatic win everytime he played and it was actually noted in a story once that he had a promising career before deciding he'd rather kill people instead. Trick shot pool would not even be fair, nor dodgeball, I might be overestimating his abilities when it comes to golf but I think it's logical that he can hit things wherever he wants with a club too. I excluded him from basketball and football simply because personal fouls are almost guranteed to get him kicked out of every game before he can make a difference. Simply put, if he's aiming, you're losing.

8. Taskmaster: Everything

Taskmaster is a decently obscure character, so for those of you don't like to spend $3 for 28 pages, Wikipedia explains here. Basically, he can do anything he sees someone else do. If he sees some guy throw a 107 MPH fastball, he can now throw a 107 MPH fastball, if he sees Adrian Peterson hurdle the entire line into the endzone, he can now hurdle the line into the endzone, and if he watches Kobe Bryant make a shot from half-court, he can now make that half-court shot whenever he wants. Really, he can take the coolest things eveyone in every sport does, and do them. For this reason, he has to be higher than Captain America and Bullseye on the list, because whatever they can do, he can do (Cap's leadership excluded). However, he cannot mimmick powers he does not have with his ability, which is why he is only at 8. The rest of list has powers, so he can't be assumed to best them.

7. Mystique: Any women's sport

Mystique is an incredibly athletic woman who possesses great martial arts skills, can run quickly, jump high, and aim with perfection. None of these reasons are why she is on this list. Ask yourself, in order to be a successful female athlete, what is the one thing you have to be? The answer: hot. Disagree with me? Name five female tennis players. It's okay, I'll wait............

....................................................................................................

You named Anna Kournikova didn't you. You know you did. Here's what I know, Anna Kournikova had her highest singles ranking in tennis at number 16 and hasn't played professional tennis since 2003. If you look at the awards recieved on her Wikipedia page, you will see three, one of which is an ESPY for hottest athelete in 2002. If you can name five female athletes that have not appeared in Maxim or the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue, I'll be surprised. Why do you think the WNBA fails? Because every player in the league looks like a 6'7" version of Chyna. Hell, we only know who Venus and Serena Williams are because they terrify us. Mystique would be ultimate female athlete because she can change her appearance to be as hot as she wants to be. She can be Anna Kournikova and Lindsey Vonn. She might even be able to make you watch a WNBA game...... if you could find one on television (you can't).

6. Spider-Man: Dodgeball, paintball

Spider-Man cannot be touched by anything if he so chooses not too. His Spider-sense alerts him of any immediate threat before it arrives and he has incredible reflexes that allow him move quickly enough to dodge anything he is warned about. His spider-sense helps him dodge gunfire, and I don't think that even Bullseye throws dodgeballs faster than gunfire. This one really doesn't require a whole lot of explaination. Everyone knows what Spider-Man does.

5. Mr. X: Anything played head-to-head

Mr. X is the most obscure character on this list. Actually, I had never heard of him until he showed up in Thunderbolts last year. Wikipedia will once again serve as the describor of this character, right here. In a nutshell, he can telepathically sense any movement an opposing combatant makes before they make. He does not have to actively do this, it just happens. Mr. X is also physically gifted as an athlete. With his powers he could defend any basketball player, read any pitch before it leaves the pitchers hand, and see any punch another boxer throws before his hand even moves. He would have a natural advandtage in any sport played in teams, and any involving direct physical confrontation. Also unlike most other telepaths (Professor X, Jean Grey, and Emma Frost), he is athletic and does not have to rely solely on his powers.

4. Blob: Football

For anyone unfamiliar with the Blob's powers, it is pretty simple, he can make himself immovable. He is also a major fat ass and can probably fill the spot of three people on the offensive or defensive line. Blob can secure himself and protect the quarterback for an indefinite amount of time, which since he can block for three people, should be very long. With only three or less people on the offensive line, the offense is free to run five or more wide recievers on every play. His presence is even better on defense. His massive size makes it virtually impossible to run the ball because he takes up the entire middle of the field, and no one on offense can push him out of the way. He is very slow but since he weighs over 1,000 pounds, no one will stop him if he decides to rush the passer and the quarterback will have to snap from the shotgun every play to even have a prayer. Every year players are selected for their size and strength in the draft and none of them weigh half of what blob does or have super powers. However, their are longevity issues, no way this guy lives past 40.

3. Black Cat/Longshot/Domino: Any bad team

These heroes all have the same types of powers, they effect luck. Longshot and Domino both can change probabilities, and Black Cat just causes terrible luck. The Cleveland Indians are losing 12-0, but wait, yes they have called Longshot in from the bullpen. Their odds of winning just went up to 60%. In baseball, Black Cat would be a great choice for a catcher, always sitting a foot away from the only opponent that can do anything, and never near her teamates. Her bad luck would screw over every batter that comes to the plate, her team wouldn't even need a good pitcher. Vegas would absolutely hate these guys.

2. Galactus: Competative Eating

This one should be pretty easy to understand. Galactus survives by eating planets, therfore, outeating people who live on those planets should be relatively easy. Yes, galactus eats pretty slowly (he uses machines to drain the energy from these planets before consuming them, a process that takes hours) but I don't think he would need the machine if he didn't need the energy. If you gave him a thirty pound bucket of hot dogs, he could just throw it into his 50 foot mouth and swallow without bothering to chew. Also since he eats planets, I don't think he'll have to worry about filling up. Only Goliath could even give him a run for his money.

1. Juggernaut: Football

The Juggernaut would be an unstoppable football player, no literally, he can't be stopped. The Juggernaut's powers are that once he starts moving forward, nothing on earth can stop him. I think he could make a pretty effective running back. The only variable on every play is whether or not he will fumble the ball before it gets into his hands (it happens to Tony Romo all the time). Once his has the ball though, it's a touchdown, your offensive line could be made up of Larry King, Conan O'Brien, a hot dog, a dinosaur skeleton, and some little bitch from the Twilight movies, it won't matter, he doesn't need them. At a cool 900 ponds and at over 8 feet tall, he has a bit of a size advantage on defense as well, including being a 100% unstoppable pass rusher. The more I think about it, I'd love to see him in a Dolphins jersey....

Thanks to my wonderful wife for her expert use of photoshop.

Now Brandon Marshall is really happy to be a Dolphin.

As always comments are graciously accepted. I post again this weekend in all likelihood, I feel an Earth Week rant coming. See you then, until that time please remember the wise words of Mr. Marshall.

Nerd out.